*Trying Byron Katie’s idea in real life.To inculcate self love when interacting with husband.*

Developing self love is not hard or easy.Its about growth.Its about the small benefits. I talk about this here.

When i love myself
Loving others has become easy
All i needed was love
I had the gift with in me
No prince charming was needed
No fairy was needed
Some meditation
Some thought control
And i found my bliss

This self love project was started only few days but it has already been so beneficial.

No, I am not studing at top form.No, Krishan and I are not most lovey dovey.

Things are pretty much the same but my reaction to the situation has changed.

Things are still happening where he braught only his water at dinner while before he used to bring it for both of us.Well! I just did this ‘work’ of thought control. I thought ‘he is acting selfish’. Then reversed it ‘ i am selfish towards him’. Then i realized i should not act selfish and behaved as normally as i could. Thanks ‘luminosity’ for reccomending Byron Katie…’the work’ really works.

There was some confusion about my laptop too. But I decided to not venture into it and behaved totally cool.

So things are good atleast from my side. I as usual took care of the girls and house.I am trying to inculcate interest of singing and manners like waiting for every one to finish before getting up from table at dinner time, cleaning up etc to girls.

“Its not your job to like me – its mine” – Byron Katie

Edit: 8 months have gone by since i wrote this.Since then this blog has developed well and i am doing good.

Today is feb 07, 2010 and I realize that Byron Katie is so correct in saying that

“All sadness is a tantrum”

I firmly believe that is true.

I have everything i need.My husband is still the same.He is not i want to be but he is a good man and good father.I live a very awsome  life .All i need is a to lose weight and finish this exam.Somehow all this exercise in selflove has born fruit and today on my 2nd day of exam prep and weight loss endeavour, i feel full of life and full of hope.

What has really worked for me is the idea, what will you be with out your story.

“The Work always leaves you with less of a story.
Who would you be without your story?
You never know until you inquire.
There is no story that is you or that leads to you.
Every story leads away from you.
Turn it around; undo it.
You are what exists before all stories.
You are what remains when the story is understood. “

Hence if i leave my story of marital distress, childhood hurt, premature twins and polycystic ovaries behind, where does it leave me?

Can i still explain being so unhealthy and not earning my own money?

No

So it takes me to own the responsibility of having wasted last 10 years in decline and wastage, which is no one’s fault but mine.I need to correct that.I need to be my daughter’s role model!My marriage will be ok when i take the responsibility to be better and worthy partner.

“An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy.
It’s a gift that says, “Get honest; inquire.”
We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards,
so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling.
And that’s as it should be, because in our innocence we haven’t known how.
So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil,
write thought down, and investigate.”

Edit on June 07, 2010:What i wrote was good but trying to revive a dead relationship is utter rubbish! Some relationships are pathological and its better to just move on!

Shraddha